Emotional Safety in Psychotherapy
The Flight Attendant in the Counseling Room
I went to my first Chamber of Commerce luncheon just the other day and I felt totally out of my element. I didn’t know where to go or what to expect. A kind young man welcomed me and explained how the luncheon worked. He encouraged me to introduce myself to others before the presentation, but I lingered near the wall trying to find my place.
As more people arrived, a few women caught my eye. They looked like other business owners and I hoped to connect with them. When one began walking toward me, I felt a rush of relief. I reached for my business card and waited for her to come close enough to speak. She stopped just to my side, smiled, and said, “I hope you won’t be offended, but you look exactly like a flight attendant.”
She was right. I was wearing navy slacks, navy patent-leather loafers, a crisp white shirt, and a navy polka-dot scarf tied in a fluffy bow around my neck. I laughed out loud. I’m sure she didn’t know how much that comment would stay with me. In many ways, being a psychotherapist is a lot like being a flight attendant. I may not walk the aisle with a drink cart, but I do guide people through turbulence.
Emotional Safety in Psychotherapy
A flight attendant’s first priority is safety. Before takeoff, they show passengers the exits and demonstrate how to use an oxygen mask. They remind you to buckle up and pay attention, even when you think you already know what to do.
In psychotherapy, safety comes first too. Emotional safety allows people to speak openly about what hurts and what they hope will change. It allows space to develop deep awareness and to consider things that may have been hidden from view. My role is to help clients feel secure enough to stay in the seat, even when the flight gets bumpy.
Learning Self-Care Through the Oxygen Mask Rule
One of the most repeated lessons in air travel is that you must put on your own oxygen mask before helping others. Every parent or caregiver has heard that line, yet most forget to live by it in daily life.
As a psychotherapist, I often see people trying to care for everyone else before they breathe for themselves. They believe that self-care is selfish, but it is not. It is survival. You cannot support a child, partner, or friend if you are gasping for air. Psychotherapy becomes a place to learn how to breathe again—to fill your lungs with the air of your own life before you try to assist someone you love.
Navigating Emotional Turbulence
Every flight passes through weather. Some days are clear with smooth skies. Other days are filled with clouds and unexpected turbulence. A flight attendant cannot stop the storm, but they can steady the passengers.
In psychotherapy, I help people face emotional weather. You may not control the storm that comes, but you can learn how to ride through it without panic or despair. Sometimes that means finding a new altitude—a calmer way to think or respond. Sometimes it means simply holding on until the air clears.
Checking Your Destination
Before boarding, every passenger receives a ticket that shows their destination. A flight attendant checks the pass to make sure they are headed in the right direction. In counseling, we also look at your ticket. Where have you come from? Where do you want to go next? Sometimes people arrive unsure of either answer, and that’s okay. Together we trace the route, find connections, and identify where you might want to land.
Comfort That Sustains You
Flight attendants serve snacks and drinks, not as a necessity but as a reminder that comfort matters. Even a small gesture can make a long journey easier. In the counseling room, comfort comes in different forms. Sometimes it is a question that helps you think in a new way. Sometimes it is a pause that allows silence to do its quiet work.
The snacks I offer are not edible, but they nourish the same part of you that needs care, attention, and kindness. I do actually have a well-stocked snack drawer just in case your first level survival need requires a boost.
A Shared Journey Toward Healing
I once compared psychotherapy to being a spotter in weightlifting. That image still fits, but the flight attendant analogy goes deeper. I am beside you, not doing the work for you, but making sure you are safe to do it. I remind you to use your oxygen mask, to find balance in the turbulence, and to trust that you will reach your destination.
I walk the aisle of your story and check that you are secure for takeoff. When it’s time to land, you will know it. You will feel steady on your feet.
The Landing
Every journey begins with boarding and ends with landing. Psychotherapy is the same. You bring your story, your destination, and your courage to stay buckled in. Together, we find calm skies and the confidence to travel on your own. You belong here.
